Keeping the Boys from Getting Liposuction. Or Ruining the World.
It’s generally accepted that men are horrible people. Consider the evidence. Boston? Men did that. There aren’t many female serial killers, either …
How to Explain Vaginas to a Four-Year Old Boy
To start: it’s not like we had to explain a batch of vaginas to Jack. I didn’t take him to a strip club. We’re not letting him watch the porn parody of Doc McStuffins. (You’re welcome for this idea, porn industry.) There was only one vagina discussed.
“I am a dentist. I need to see your wee wee.”
Putting the kids to bed is like an existential play. It kind of makes sense, but kind of not, and you walk around for an hour afterwards, scratching your head and wondering what the hell just happened.
The Art of Fatherhood
Steven Spielberg had a childhood that sounded like one of his movies. Lonely kid with a workaholic dad and loving, present mother. Not much of an athlete, he’s bullied constantly. Gets a camera from his dad and starts making movies. Pours the pain of his parents divorce into his work. Become famous. Terrifies a generation of children — including my wife — by making E.T.
The Great Dinnertime Stare-Down
When I was young, I hated mashed potatoes. And I mean hated, with the kind of white hot, consuming fury that is …
11 Things My Kids (and Probably Yours) Will Never Do
I’m not going to be one of those parents who talks about how when I was a kid, I used to walk uphill to school both ways in the snow without shoes. Or talk about how candy bars only cost a quarter and were made of chocolate, unicorn tears and magic. But there are already things my kids never, ever do.
Answering Jack’s Big Questions
“Dada?” It was the tone of a young boy about to ask one of life’s great questions and I thought how this could be one of those stories I tell him as I’m dropping him off at college.
Inappropriate Songs I Sing to the Boys
I like to sing. I’m not saying I’m good at it. But it means the boys get lullabyes before they go to sleep.
As it turns out, I pick some weird shit to sing to them.
My Son. The Whys Guy.
We have entered the Era of Endless Question. The Age of “Why?”
How to Travel With Small Children
We took the boys out of the country for vacation. When you’re a parent and talk about family vacation, especially after the trip and to other parents, you always get this question, asked in a hushed voice, as if the person is asking after a sick relative. “How were the boys?”
Lucky Us. The Boys Now Completely Wind Each Other Up.
It was still dark this morning when Reid started making his prehistoric squawking noises, letting us know he was hungry. Naturally, this woke Jack up. Naturally, it was just after 5 in the morning.
Should We Be Facebook Parenting?
They were the Nine Shots Heard ‘Round the World. A father, angered by a note that his daughter posted to Facebook. put nine rounds into her laptop. Is this the new parenting?
City v. Suburbs Pt. 3: The Tale of the Bird House
After a year of looking, we bought a house. Our biggest worry is the bird.
Things I Don’t Want My Sons to Get From Me
Both boys, in different ways, are displaying signs of my genetic contribution. That’s not necessarily a good thing.
Sesame Street Is Trying to Drive Me Insane
This week at CES, Sesame Street announced that it would become the first interactive television show. Kids are going to be able to count with Grover and toss coconuts into bushel baskets, all thanks to a partnership with Microsoft.
This does not bode well.