Alan Kercinik has been a Chicagoan his whole life and a dad since 2009. He finds it easy to relate to his two boys, since he still likes most things from his childhood. All opinions here are his own, to the relief of his wife, employer, family and majority of his friends.
Loading tweets...
Both boys, in different ways, are displaying signs of my genetic contribution.
I have a freakish memory. It’s not Marilu Henner freakish, but it’s freakish enough that I can pull out some slight incident and use it to personalize Facebook birthday greetings to friends. Or recall, almost exactly, incidents from childhood.
I fear Jack’s memory will be worse.
Over the weekend, we took a walk in the snow, crunching our way over to a scrim of trees that circle a lake not that far from our house. We’d taken the walk over the summer one afternoon and Jack was intrigued by a big rock, a memorial marker for a young man who died the year I was born.
“Dada,’ he said, holding my hand with his gloved fingers, “I want to go to that big rock. We came here last time with Wonder Woman.” Not literally. Lynda Carter is not a family friend, unfortunately. But he had clutched an action figure on our summer hike.
This will do him well in therapy as he recounts my every mistake, stretching all the way back to toddlerdom.
–
I can laugh now. Kind of.
I also have a crossed eye. My left one.
When I wear my glasses, it’s not that noticable. When I’m tired, it’s bad and leans in toward my nose, as if it’s not just lazy but downright tired, leaning up against something for support.
To me, it doesn’t matter if I’m tired or not. It’s noticeable. It always is. Because my freakish memory can remember every time someone looked over his shoulder because he thought I was looking at someone else. Or every time someone crossed his eyes at me, just to be funny.
We’d noticed that one of Reid’s eyes looked smaller than another. Between that, and his preference to hold his head a certain way, we had a bit of worry.
“Maybe,” the wife said, “he has an eye condition like you.”
She said it gently. It wasn’t a complaint. Just an observation. Parental trouble shooting.
It didn’t matter. I got angry and defensive. “No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Having a lazy eye doesn’t affect the size of the eye.”
Of all the things to hate in myself, I know my eye is a small concern. Still, I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want this, and the associated childhood grief that goes with it, to have come from me.
As it happens, Reid is suffering the hell of unintended consequences. Between a tight sternocleidomastoid muscle and the “Back to Sleep” effort, which preaches that all babies sleep on their back to reduce the chance of SIDS, he favors one side enough that is head is a little misshapen.
It’s nothing physical therapy and a helmet won’t fix. Still, I feel bad for the little guy. No one should have to go through physical therapy unless they’re an athlete or in their seventies.
–
We watch our children grow up and tag them like a Facebook photo with our traits. My stubborness. Your sunniess. My sense of humor. Your persistence.
We hand down so many things that are completely out of our control. My high cholesterol. Your feet. My eyes. Your hair.
But these are your cards. What makes you who you are is how you deal with them. People make fun. It’s an unfortunate part of life. All I can do is take hurt feelings seriously and love them for being unique.
And wish, sometimes just a little bit, that I had the genetic make – up of Captain America.
7 comments
Lance says:
January 20, 2012 at 9:02 am (UTC -5 )
As screwed up as I am, I’m more tolerant, kinder, gentler, liberal, emotionallt available and better at parenting than my mom and dad.
I think our kids have so much to see, hear, read, notice, understand, and process taht they can’t help but TRY to be better than us.
My 7 yr old daughter is smarter than I am. My 8 year old daughter is tougher and funnier. My 16 year old is cooler, sweeter, and socially adaptable more than me.
I have few worries.
I bet you feel the same ina few years.
terrific post
Lance recently posted..I Will Possess Your Heart
Robin K says:
January 20, 2012 at 10:26 am (UTC -5 )
True story: At the doctor yesterday, I was told I am lopsided. Which we all know. It’s just that the physical therapy they recommended is probably not the answer. I’m okay with that and thankful that I may have passed this “condition” along to my son. Because a little lopsided can be ok.
People Make Fun.
They so do.
And it appears you’re doing a great job on the fun scale. Which to me? Is part of why Jack has such great memories.
(There would be no Captain America without Steve Rogers. Remember him?)
Sydney says:
January 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm (UTC -5 )
Beauthful. That is all. Your family is. Your love for the boys is. Where are the Kleenex?
So happy that there are blogs these days. I have a handful of hand written letters from my dad, a folder full of emails, and a scattered few blog posts. To have everything here in one place so they can hopefully read it someday is amazing.
Sydney recently posted..Is it there? Square? Landable?
Amy says:
January 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm (UTC -5 )
Sydney, you are so right. Blogs are an amazing gift to our kids. Someday. Once they’re old enough not to be horrified and embarrassed, at least.
Alan, I love the image of tagging our children with bits of us that we recognize. My son’s weirdo non-descending teeth? My husband. My son’s perfectionism? Sigh, that’s mine, and I fear it may be the larger defect.
Amy recently posted..Mom needs some happy juice, stat
Cynthia says:
January 23, 2012 at 10:44 pm (UTC -5 )
To have everything here in one place so they can hopefully read it someday is amazing.It’s nothing physical therapy and a helmet won’t fix. Still, I feel bad for the little guy. No one should have to go through physical therapy unless they’re an athlete or in their seventies.
Cynthia recently posted..South West Spas
Deane07 says:
January 24, 2012 at 5:47 am (UTC -5 )
These one will gave to all the guardian a matter of advice to be aware of every moment they do.
Deane07 recently posted..Relaxation Techniques For Anxiety
Tana says:
January 26, 2012 at 4:15 am (UTC -5 )
I can’t lock the door, cause the other children have to sleep in his room when they come and visit so they have to be in his room. Which makes it hard.
Tana recently posted..PPI