What Nike’s New Tiger Ad Says About Parenthood

Reaction to Nike’s newish Tiger Woods ad falls into a couple of camps. It’s either a public dressing-down of a corporate spokesperson or a crazy, offensive way to sell some shoes.

It’s not about the shoes. It’s not about Tiger. It’s making a statement about the power of parenthood. Specifically:

1) Parents will always tell you what to do, even after they die. This happens to all of us, even if you are Superman. As he’s considering flying around Earth so fast that he’ll cause time to reverse itself and bring Lois Lane back to life, he’s lectured by not one, but two dead fathers. In their defense, both Jor-el and Jonathan Kent knew she didn’t give Superman the time of day when he wore his glasses.

Dad also comes back to life in Ghost Dad, one of several terrible movies made by Bill Cosby. Which, surprisingly, is less terrible than Michael Keaton’s Jack Frost, where he comes back from the dead not as a ghost but as a snowman after his son plays a tune on a magic harmonica. (There is a dirty joke there I refuse to make, but please, feel free.) If you want to see either horror for yourself, I’m sure TBS at about 2 o’clock this morning can accommodate your masochism. As bad as both movies are, they are still funnier than George Lopez.

For once, Hollywood and Madison Avenue have it wrong. If anyone is going to nag you from beyond the grave, it will be your mother.

2) Even if your Dad is talking to someone else, you’re supposed to be paying attention. As it happens, Nike used a soundbite of Earl Woods talking about his relationship with his wife. No matter. Children are created to bring drinks and memorize every parental utterance. For Jack’s second birthday, I plan on giving him a bottle opener and a notepad.

3) What you say to your kids doesn’t matter. Whoever Earl Woods was talking to or about, he sounds like a smart, thoughtful man. And while Tiger is a helluva golfer, turns out that his off-course behavior isn’t up to par. (Cue rimshot from drummer.)

That’s a sobering thought. Parents don’t matter. Malcolm Gladwell said it more than ten years ago. Now Nike? Maybe that’s why parents come back after they die. So the kids will listen.

4) Remorse is more believable in black-and-white. If you ever have to apologize to your kids, post a link to a black-and-white YouTube clip of you saying your sorries on the kid’s Facebook page. While potentially less personal, it will feel more powerful. Even if your kid won’t friend you.