Alan Kercinik has been a Chicagoan his whole life and a dad since 2009. He finds it easy to relate to his two boys, since he still likes most things from his childhood. All opinions here are his own, to the relief of his wife, employer, family and majority of his friends.
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When the wife was preggers, we did the things that I imagine most about-to-be parents do. Bought What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Bandied about names. (I look forward to telling Jack how much I lobbied, a little less than half jokingly, to name him Kal-el, Superman’s Kryptonian name.) Signed up for e-newsletters that tracked the baby’s progress.
I’m still on one of those e-letter lists, from babycenter. And every week, I get an e-mail telling me something new about his development, some new batch of tips I should be mindful of. I have to hand it to them. They know how to impact click-through. A recent one was titled “How To Raise A Smart Child.”
Of course, I opened it. What parent wouldn’t? Everyone wants to raise a smart, funny, charming future President.
The good people at babycenter don’t recommend I become Rick Moranis’ character from Parenthood, joylessly drilling knowledge into Jack’s head through a never-ending series of flash cards. Instead, it’s things that sound simple and obvious. Show your love. Care for his basic needs. Talk to him. Read to him. (This bridged off to a “How to Raise a Reader” article that I poured through as well.)
But here’s the thing. I’ve recently read three books, with smart kids at the center.
The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet, where a nine-year old cartographer tramps and hitchikes across the country to accept a post with the Smithsonian. Huge, where an angry grade-school genius obsessed with detective novels tries to figure out who vandalized his grandmother’s nursing home. And now, The Magicians, where a smart outcast named Quintin, long obsessed with fantasy literature, is recruited and accepted to a secret school of magic in upstate New York.
I’d recommend each of these books. They’re worth reading. Unless you’re a first-time parent. Because it got me thinking. How smart is too smart?
Each of these kids are of a type, but not identical. I can’t imagine TS, Huge or Quintin hanging out together, sharing a laugh. They’re each lonely, in their own ways. They each have a skill and a preoccupation that they can do better than anyone. But it doesn’t seem to lead them to anything approaching happiness.
And then I started thinking about other smart kids. Lisa Simpson. She’s constantly depressed. Stewie from Family Guy. He’s a baby so smart he’s built a secret lab in his home. He’s also sexually confused and constantly trying to kill his mother.
So is the babycenter showing me how to raise a child who will riddle my house with elaborate death traps?
Being smart, I think, is one of those things that you kind of grow into. Maybe things are different in grade school now. But when I was young (a phrase I hope to keep banished from my parental lexicon), the smart kids were, at least among other kids, kind of picked on for it.
So as a parent, I think: is there a way to shield my son from that? Not because of how it will feel when it happens. Kids will always find a reason to pick on other kids. But the childhood crap. It gets carried around for a long time. If you go to school every day and are made to feel like some kind of freak, what does that do to you later?
Maybe the secret isn’t to try and raise a set of skills, but a state of mind. Instead of trying to raise a smart child, or an athlete or a musician, it’s raising a kid who will try to be the best version of himself as possible and being comfortable with who he is.
If anyone has any tips on how to do that, I am all ears.
10 comments
Lisa says:
September 17, 2009 at 1:44 pm (UTC -5 )
Yes! We’re right there with you. You and Matt could spend DAYS on this topic, I think. DAYS, I tell you.
Lisa says:
September 17, 2009 at 8:44 am (UTC -5 )
Yes! We’re right there with you. You and Matt could spend DAYS on this topic, I think. DAYS, I tell you.
Andrew Krause says:
September 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm (UTC -5 )
I’m subscribing to this blog because you are interesting.
Regarding your boy genius? There is no doubt that he will be smart. You and your wife are smart, and that’s how it works. But to avoid the teasing, he’ll also have to be SOCIALIZED. Smart kids don’t get teased. Geeky, nerdy, unsocialized kids get teased. If that fails, there’s always Karate. PhD Jack might get grief at school, but no one will mess with Jack Black Belt!
Andrew Krause says:
September 17, 2009 at 10:46 am (UTC -5 )
I’m subscribing to this blog because you are interesting.
Regarding your boy genius? There is no doubt that he will be smart. You and your wife are smart, and that’s how it works. But to avoid the teasing, he’ll also have to be SOCIALIZED. Smart kids don’t get teased. Geeky, nerdy, unsocialized kids get teased. If that fails, there’s always Karate. PhD Jack might get grief at school, but no one will mess with Jack Black Belt!
Lara Kercinik says:
September 17, 2009 at 9:14 pm (UTC -5 )
The fact that you are making a distant analogy, sort of, between Stewie and our child has me concerned – very concerned. As I’ve said before – I think the boy will be just fine as long as we keep him away from Chicken Robot.
Lara Kercinik says:
September 17, 2009 at 4:14 pm (UTC -5 )
The fact that you are making a distant analogy, sort of, between Stewie and our child has me concerned – very concerned. As I’ve said before – I think the boy will be just fine as long as we keep him away from Chicken Robot.
Nonnie says:
September 18, 2009 at 2:24 am (UTC -5 )
“Genius”…a person with influence over another. Those eyes, that hair, the smile…no doubt about it, The Boy Child Is a Genius and already the best version of himself! Way to go, Dad…..
Nonnie says:
September 17, 2009 at 9:24 pm (UTC -5 )
“Genius”…a person with influence over another. Those eyes, that hair, the smile…no doubt about it, The Boy Child Is a Genius and already the best version of himself! Way to go, Dad…..
Alan says:
September 18, 2009 at 1:08 pm (UTC -5 )
Lisa: That will be the topic of me and Matt’s next book.
While I’m not sure about raising my son to beat the crap out of someone who teases him, I do think the socialization point is a good one, Andrew. And geek is the new cool, so maybe things will be different when he goes to school.
Wife: It’s Robot Chicken. And a little angry humor never hurt anyone.
Nonnie: I’ve not done anything yet…that kid is just all Jack.
Alan says:
September 18, 2009 at 8:08 am (UTC -5 )
Lisa: That will be the topic of me and Matt’s next book.
While I’m not sure about raising my son to beat the crap out of someone who teases him, I do think the socialization point is a good one, Andrew. And geek is the new cool, so maybe things will be different when he goes to school.
Wife: It’s Robot Chicken. And a little angry humor never hurt anyone.
Nonnie: I’ve not done anything yet…that kid is just all Jack.