I Don’t Know (Before) Jack

I like to think I know myself pretty well, but Jack has definitely shed some light on things I did not know about myself. In honor of him almost turning six months, here’s six of my favorites so far.

• I don’t mind getting puked on. Well, by Jack anyway. This is surprising in that I puked on a guy once, in college, and he definitely didn’t care for it. (Mark, wherever you are: Seriously. I’m still really sorry.) By transitive property, I’d always assumed I’d not care for the return favor. But it doesn’t bother me.
• I would punch a bee. We took Jack to a beach in Michigan about a month back. (Jack likes sand. To the point where he couldn’t shovel it in his mouth fast enough.) At one point, a fat bumblebee came flying around his head and I swatted it away with a towel. But my other hand was clenched so hard that I left little crescent marks on my palm. No thought. Just instinctual, how much I wanted to protect him. Even though I’ve had a long-standing aversion to bees after being stung by about ten at once when I was in sixth grade.
• I am an aspiring songwriter. Now aspiring writer, I knew. But I have made up what seems like twenty jingles for Jack that I sing to him at any given moment. My personal favorite has a main chorus that goes, “Who’s the little man making all that noise?” (Background singers do wop, “It’s Ja-aaack! It’s Ja-aaack!” behind me.)
• I make eye contact with people less than I think I do. When you’ve got a kid who can stare at you for ten minutes straight, you learn what real eye contact is. Can you imagine if you were on the receiving end of that from an adult? You’d be frantically texting your friends under a table that someone was about to knife you. I’m trying to get better about it without creeping anyone out.
• I spend way too much time in my own head. Seeing Jack get lost in things, like the way he’ll stare out a window or suck on his feet with fierce concentration, I see how much time I spend not paying attention to what is right in front of me.
• I’m a night person. I have been getting up before my alarm for years. But if there is one thing I already miss, it’s the late-night / early-morning feeding, where the world was quiet and Jack and I would sit and hang for an hour. It’s a different kind of quiet than 6 a.m. quiet and I like it more.